It is down to the wire now. I have pushed my move date till tomorrow. I still have a room full of shit. I still need to figure out what shit I'm going to take with me to Austin.
I could look around here and think that I have accomplished nothing...but that just simply isn't true. I wanted to go back to Austin with just my clothes and my computer. Unfortunately, that seems almost impossible at this point.
Sometimes I think about Buddhist monks and I wonder where they develop the discipline to live simply.
I have never been one that was capable of making a decision and then immediately making it happen. Some people are capable of saying, I am moving and they move and that is it.
Me?
Everything is a process. I live deeply. I cannot help it. My curiosity causes me to explore everything in great detail and that in turn requires a vast amount of time. But time is relative, is it not? I have my whole life to get to where I am going and if I've learned anything this summer it's that that is ok. I am where I need to be. I will go where I need to go and there is an infinite amount of time.
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ReplyDeleteTo live simply, or to simply live... I believe one comes before the other. It's easy to expect that changing your external surroundings will automatically have an impact on your spiritual self- and it definitely does, because you're finding a comfortable environment for your inner being to thrive in and thus things run significantly more beneficially...
ReplyDeletebut I think if you focus more on your inner Jillian everything else will follow suite.
Don't sweat it if you don't get everything done tonight, its okay! You've done so well these past months with yourself.
One thing I've come to terms with is that we are cultivated from western culture. We did not grow up in a small village with elders and other truly enlightened people who would have started intense spiritual training at an early age- who's entire society resonated with spiritual unity...
we come from the metropolis, our elders were Doug and Arnold from Nickelodeon. We learned from an early age to choose. We innocently, and yet selfishly kept what we acquired, and coveted what we did not yet possess.
The amazing thing is that as we get older, we become more spiritually in-tune with our surroundings, as if such inner growth is just the natural way of things.
It's important to keep note of how we arrived to where we are today for the pure purpose of reflection. You have to move throughout a space and interact with what confronts you in order to acquire a lesson.
Lessons should be archived, not eradicated. You don't have to get rid of all your past memorabilia to live simply. Any knowledge is good knowledge. To trace your steps, to keep your younger Jillian is very important. She might represent some unhealthy, emotional things... but its just as precious of a state of being as your current one.
It's okay to reflect. Let the emotions be the result of your actions, don't let your actions be the result of your emotions. Last night you told me that emotions were useless. I understand what you meant, but they are essential to living in the now. They are reactions of your interaction through this space.
You smile when you experience something beautiful, just as you might react with restlessness to a negative situation... that's all happening in the moment. Those moments need to be kept for reflection and affirmation that you are existing.
Accept the good and bad from this point on, because we don't live in a perfect harmonious community- yet you've become spiritually aware within this kind of society. To keep your enlightened self, and find balance with chaos all around is just incredible... it really shows the strength humans are capable of.
I know we have differing viewpoints, and that's okay! I think we need to have a major pow-wow the next time there's time.
I really appreciated having you to talk to about all this stuff over these last few months and I wish you the best on your journey!
ps: good point lol. much better =P
wait. damnit! why wouldn't a blog accept indented text!? ridiculous!
ReplyDelete