Sigh

This blog means a lot to me. It's interesting how it is different than my main one. It's helping me out but in a different way.

I have three weeks left in Plano. I thought this project was just going to be a summer thing, but I'm now realizing that this project will never end.

It's ok though because I'm aware of it now and I've accepted it and I will let it be what it is and what it is becoming.

I woke up today in a panic about what to do. I've been tottering around the house surveying the work that I have left to do before I go to New York on Friday.

There really isn't much left. I'm realizing that this project is best done in "rounds" -- meaning there must be many breaks and time to recover. It's also caused me to stop trying to make goals. Everyone of my goals ends up altered so I figure it's best to go in with no expectation. I promised I would give myself as much time as I need to get through it and goals just seem limiting right now.

Tyler has been a huge help. He has an uncanny ability to be there when it is important. That's a good quality to have.

I'm about to go have lunch with my grandpa. I definitely need to eat right now. I am going to do inventory this afternoon along with sorting out the donation items and organizing the rest of it.

I found the box above a few days ago. I loved what was inside of it. Pure childhood.

Saturday July 30.

RAWRRRRRR!

I have been sleeping all week in avoidance of the task that is now inevitable arrived. I really need help. I can't find the motivation to do it. It's horrible.

I've asked Tyler to come over and help me again. I've offered him free portraits and dinner. His response, "bribing me with goodies is unnecessary." Hah.

I've realized that I can't do this by myself. There are too many connections to these stupid items. It's easier when there is another person to help put everything into perspective.

I started coloring this when I was 9. I finally finished!

I've started sorting through my bathroom stuff. It's interesting to see how this is going to play out. I'm going to have to be hardcore and diligent to get through it. Hah.

I need to spend a lot of time on things tonight. I've been sleeping the past few days but now I'm ready to work through the night. I'm hoping that tonight will be a big step foreword.

One Of Many

I have many watches that I have held onto over the years. This one was given to me by my second mom, Mary Sheah. I love that woman with all my heart.

Progress

I've been looking at the why lately.

I've been trying to see beyond -- become aware of the why.

I've been letting go of memories and experiences and letting them be.

I've realized a lot about my ego. I've been working on learning to recognize what it actually is and to notice when it is active and to take the appropriate measures to put it at rest.

Practicing is doing and doing is being.

After throwing away 7 bags of trash and donating 6 bags to Goodwill, I feel like I've been making some sort of progress.

I've been learning that the best way to let go is to just do it.