Pieces

I had these pieces of myself

I threw in a closet

And forgot about

And now I've scattered them

And laid them out

I gave away what wasn't mine

And kept the things that

I was suppose to find.

I laid it out there.

One piece at a time.

Each object a memory.

And yeah it was scary.

But we learned to take it in stride.

So close...

...yet so far.

It is down to the wire now. I have pushed my move date till tomorrow. I still have a room full of shit. I still need to figure out what shit I'm going to take with me to Austin.

I could look around here and think that I have accomplished nothing...but that just simply isn't true. I wanted to go back to Austin with just my clothes and my computer. Unfortunately, that seems almost impossible at this point.

Sometimes I think about Buddhist monks and I wonder where they develop the discipline to live simply.

I have never been one that was capable of making a decision and then immediately making it happen. Some people are capable of saying, I am moving and they move and that is it.

Me?

Everything is a process. I live deeply. I cannot help it. My curiosity causes me to explore everything in great detail and that in turn requires a vast amount of time. But time is relative, is it not? I have my whole life to get to where I am going and if I've learned anything this summer it's that that is ok. I am where I need to be. I will go where I need to go and there is an infinite amount of time.

Live and Let Die

This song popped into my head this morning:

Thought it fitting.

It shouldn't be this hard.

Organization

I've realized that it's hard to be organized when you don't know what you're doing.

Why can't clarity and hindsight come first?

Sigh

This blog means a lot to me. It's interesting how it is different than my main one. It's helping me out but in a different way.

I have three weeks left in Plano. I thought this project was just going to be a summer thing, but I'm now realizing that this project will never end.

It's ok though because I'm aware of it now and I've accepted it and I will let it be what it is and what it is becoming.

I woke up today in a panic about what to do. I've been tottering around the house surveying the work that I have left to do before I go to New York on Friday.

There really isn't much left. I'm realizing that this project is best done in "rounds" -- meaning there must be many breaks and time to recover. It's also caused me to stop trying to make goals. Everyone of my goals ends up altered so I figure it's best to go in with no expectation. I promised I would give myself as much time as I need to get through it and goals just seem limiting right now.

Tyler has been a huge help. He has an uncanny ability to be there when it is important. That's a good quality to have.

I'm about to go have lunch with my grandpa. I definitely need to eat right now. I am going to do inventory this afternoon along with sorting out the donation items and organizing the rest of it.

I found the box above a few days ago. I loved what was inside of it. Pure childhood.